" Heartache is defined as intense sadness or emotional distress, especially when caused by the loss of a loved one"
First, never think your heart can't be broken because you are older, more experienced with relationships and people. I am a very logical person and my heart doesn't rule my actions and still it happened.
So I was very sad and listened to every love song I knew. For me getting the sadness out is the only way I could process my situation, I cried in the shower for a week and I don't mean weekday but 7 full days.
on the 8th day my brain kicked in and started going in overdrive, replaying the past trying to figure out when did it all go wrong.
You probably thinking so you didn't get angry? which we know is one step of the loss process, but for this Aquarian that was not going to happen and the emotion I can deal with is Sadness, he would not get anything else out of me that is enough.
Let's get to the 5 steps that my logical mind needed to get over this heartache before it turns to something else.
- Let the emotion out
I had to own the sadness, it was important for me to keep the emotion at a minimum. If I let the sadness turn to rage then that would be 2 emotions for me to handle. So I let the tears flow and it was ugly crying not the fake TV pretty girl version. It felt so good to get it out and I don't understand how people keep it all inside letting it eat them alive, you can barely handle one emotion and trying to handle all the 5 stages of grief they tell you we go through.
I actually had to stay home from work for the week because I couldn't handle any human interaction, everyone going about they day talking about things I didn't care about. Everything reminded me of my relationship which is so weird once you think about it, or was the universe letting me know just how messed up we really were together? you probably thinking so it took you just 7 days to get over the heartache? of course not. This is about how I learned to deal with the sadness because it is still a process almost a year later.
2. Stay out of your head
Your mind will be your greatest enemy. My greatest challenge was my thoughts, and the scenarios I was replaying in my mind trying to rationalize the end to the relationship/friendship. My mind kept wanting me to think for each of us, and nothing worse then having a 2 person conversation but it's all from your perspective.
I had to force myself against myself. The best way to do this is to take responsibility for my own actions, what role did I play in the break-up. Own and learn from it and only from my perspective of events. You start to realize all the things you both took for granted and wish you could go back in time and change, but its to late.
3. Limit your conversation
I found myself missing talking to him, you start to appreciate the little things about the relationship which is just their voice and the comfort of familiarity. You want to talk to them so bad and the pull is overwhelming until you go against everything you want to do, and you find any reason to reach out no matter how small or how long the conversation may be.
Then you regret it so much and realize this is just another emotion you have introduced to sadness. The thing about regret you can make a part of the sadness. And if you are smart like I was you use it to bring yourself back to reality.
4. Keep busy
The only way to stay out of your head is to keep busy. I was moving in a few months and decided to start organizing, decluttering and packing. It worked wonders on keeping my brain concentrating on something other then the break-up. I stopped drinking and not because I was an alcoholic I was a social drinker or a glass of wine at home. It was because I needed to be laser focused on NOT thinking about him and you know any inhibitor will make you weak. I didn't want to have a moment of weakness and call or even worse start thinking I can fix it by doing all 3 of my steps listed above. I found this step made me feel in control of my heartache and my life as I thrive more on logic then emotion.
5. You need something greater then yourself
I talked to God so much that my prayers replaced my sadness. Each time I became sad I talked to God, each time I needed guidance I read scriptures. I know you're thinking what a cliche! but it always lead you back to where you know you should be and that is for anyone or thing you find greater then yourself. If you don't have that then you will stay and never move forward with your situation.
I started to feel the warmth of love but not from man but from the bread of life. I wont try to convince you of anything but just letting you know what helped me! now I spend more time filling my soul and healing the right way and I am much stronger then I was that first day the relationship ended.
I hope this helps someone, and remember once the sadness is gone it is up to you not to go back and start the steps over, because trying to make the other person want you again will do just that but worse.